Roller Coaster of Emotions...

I can't begin to understand the emotions of this week. I find myself coming to terms with some of my own but, those in fact are affected by my wondering of how others are coping. I can't remember the last time I have cried so hard, or laughed so hard in the same week. Although the sorrows still seem to outweigh the joys-- I am finding hope in many ways. Whether it be from the comforts of catching up with old friends and memories, laughter or allowing the tears to flow, the hurt just to be, and offering a prayer--I am hopeful.
Driving home from SLC after meeting up with Jake was a fun afternoon and nice to catch up--and much the usual on the way home. Listening to Nightside Project and having my never-ending frusteration with Utah Drivers. While listening, I discovered how trival my annoyances were. I found out that Brian had been killed, tased by police officers down in Hurricane. It was devastating and completely unreal. I have discussed with a old friend how although I hadn't been close to him, I feel close to his Mom, my Aunt Margret; and feel completely devastaed by the loss that their family is enduring, amongest all of the other challenges that they have been facing. So many thoughts have been running through my head since then. I can not imagine the difficulty they are facing, I have seen the strength that Paul has shown by providing the media with the necessary information, and have been in awe of the capacity of kindness and forgiveness he has already shown. I am inspired and uplifted by it, but still feel such sadness over the loss and the pain that everyone who knew him, especially close family are going thru. The funeral will be on Monday morning, near Grandma's. I hope to be of support, if none other then to be there; in the comfort of the mix of family, friends, sadness and love.
I also found out on Sunday that Spud had been hospitalized again on Sunday that opiutes were found in his system. Where or what exactly they are and who from is a question. He doesn't recall taking my pain pills when he was over but Mom and I have talked of questioning what he remembers when he is in a mania or a low. He won't be coming home for a long while, but a true blessing is that he is under good care and seems so different with the medication change already. The differences in what was told to M&D from therapist and doctor from the LCSW is a bit unsettling. I discussed with Dad briefly filing a complaint but with the realization that among the million and one other commitments time for that is slim, if not non-existent. However, the blessing of such is that with Dad's knowledge and considerable amount of phone calling placement became available and Spud is on the right path for the time being. Additional findings and discussion with Dad about Spud is heartwrenching and seems so unfair.
The tears have kept coming, even today just simply hearing the radio, a certain song and having thoughts wander to sad places. I truly feel blessed to have been able to not only see my awesome therapist this week but to have time with Mom to go see Spud. Libby of course came and being a puppy was the hit of the lobby--except with one staff. It had already been a great visit with a few chuckles--thanks to Libby's antics and attempts to act like wanna be human. When we left we discovered the sprinklers were on--which of course had to be investigated. I couldn't exactly tell ya when or why we started laughing--before or after we all got hit by the water or when Libby seemed so utterly confused by the movement of it--but it was the deep in the gut, spilling out til tears come laughter. A much needed, silly, mindless experience. I hope for more every day.